3-1 The Spiritual Partner
在幽靈界的伴侶
證得阿羅漢果之後的某一天，阿姜曼在坐禪中想起了一段過去世的往事－阿姜曼並不認為這件事有特別的重要性。雖說如此，我想我還是為大家記錄這一個與阿姜曼有關的故事。我個人認為，若此事沒在歷史上留下記錄，那就有些可惜了！特別的是，這類事件亦有可能發生在你或我的身上。這類事件具有強烈的因果，即便當事人自己不曾意識到，但其中的因緣仍會如影隨形地跟著當事人。但是將這故事公開於世恰當嗎？我承認我無法合理化自己的行為，我是該受責難的。說到這，相信讀者們已經知道，這故事關係到個人隱私，阿姜曼也只曾經與他的近侍弟子們說過。我試著不將此故事化為文字；但我愈壓制，將之寫出的念頭卻愈變強烈。到最後，我還是讓步了。我承認我的行為該受責難，但我希望讀者們能夠原諒我。我也衷心希望，陷在生死輪迴中的讀者們能夠從此故事獲得一些啟示與正見。
這故事是關於阿姜曼一位長期的精神伴侶17。阿姜曼說過，在過去世中，他與這位伴侶曾多次一起修行，他們並立下成就佛果的誓言。在這一世，當阿姜曼還未證得阿羅漢時，她偶爾會在阿姜曼入定境時前來拜訪。在這樣的場合，阿姜曼會為她說法，說法結束後便會請她回去。這位精神伴侶總是以一個無實體的意識出現在阿姜曼的定境。這件事相當特殊，因為三界中幾乎每一位有情都擁有各自的身軀。阿姜曼詢問過她為何不具形體？她回答道，因為掛念著阿姜曼，所以她尚未決定自己要轉生至哪一個境界。她的心情很雜亂，她擔心阿姜曼忘記了他們過往的生活，又擔心阿姜曼忘記了成為未來佛的誓言。她既關心又害怕，她覺得自己必須時常前來拜訪並提醒阿姜曼。
阿姜曼則告訴她，他已經放棄了成佛之誓言，他決意在這一世修得阿羅漢果以證涅槃。阿姜曼不希望自己再一次出生，因為那相當於他在下一世又背起所有的重擔與苦難，如同他過往生生世世經歷過的一切。
雖然從未表明自己的心情，她始終掛念著阿姜曼，關愛之情依然熾熱。所以每隔一段時間，她就會去拜訪阿姜曼。而這一次不一樣，這次是阿姜曼主動想起、並關心起她現在的狀況，畢竟他們兩人在過去世裡共同經歷了許多的困難與挑戰。
證果之後，阿姜曼知道自己該與他的精神伴侶見上一面，好讓彼此知道各自的狀況。若她因為過往的關係還放心不下。阿姜曼會為她說明一些道理，他希望能解開她心中的羈絆。那天深夜，等到阿姜曼出現這念頭不久後，他在靈界中的伴侶便悄悄來到了他的面前。
阿姜曼一開始就詢問她，到底她現在生存在哪一個境界？阿姜曼想知道為何她不具備可供辨識的形體。這一點完全不同於其他的天界眾生，究竟她的存在是何種形式？精神伴侶沒多做解釋，她只說自己是活在廣大世界裡的一個微細且奇特的境界。她倒是反覆說著，由於掛念著阿姜曼，所以她待在這境界等待著。今天她察覺到阿姜曼的心念，於是她來到阿姜曼的面前。
一般狀況下，她不敢經常前來拜訪阿姜曼。雖然想常常看到他，但她也會感到害羞與猶豫。平心而論，她的來訪不會造成什麼傷害，畢竟雙方都不是會妨礙他人的人。儘管如此，對阿姜曼的愛戀仍會讓她猶豫。阿姜曼也曾告訴她不要常常前來，因為見面雖不至有害，但見面可能讓心產生牽掛，阿姜曼的禪修進展也可能變得緩慢些。心是異常敏感的，任何情感都會影響到心，影響到禪修。她知道阿姜曼所說為真，所以她很少前來拜訪阿姜曼。
在這次來訪前，她已經知道阿姜曼證得了阿羅漢果，畢竟這是全宇宙三界都知道的大事。阿姜曼了無遺憾地切斷所有與世俗的結縛，出生、死亡、朋友、親戚、當然也包括了仍愛戀著他的精神伴侶。因為這緣故，她不像過去時會為了阿姜曼的成就而歡喜，這次反而悶悶不樂。許多灰暗的念頭生起：她認為阿姜曼不負責任，竟然忘記了曾與他一起努力、共度患難與榮耀的伴侶；她覺得自己已被阿姜曼遺棄，以後只能獨自面對自己的苦難；阿姜曼已經超越諸苦，而她只能孤身忍受著苦痛與折磨。就這樣，灰暗的念頭一個接一個出現，反覆折磨著她。而她想得越多，越覺得自己是一個無智之人－傻傻地爬上最高的樹稍，還伸手要去摘天上的月亮與星星？結果就是從樹上摔落，只能躺在地面上哀嚎呻吟，她已經走不出這些念頭堆疊而成的迷宮了！
在這般沮喪與無助的狀態下，她開口向阿姜曼說：「我現在已陷入絕望的深淵，要怎麼做我才能找到快樂呢？我希望自己能夠觸摸到月亮與星星，但這樣的想法太無理、太折磨人了！您跟我不同，您是高掛在天上的明月與星辰，每個地方都可看到您發出的光茫。您已入於正法之流，您的光芒永遠不會黯淡或消失。您徹底圓滿自在，您的光輝遍及整個宇宙。若我仍有步入正法的因緣，請您一定要幫助我。請您慈悲告訴我正確的方向，讓我尋得光明與純淨的智慧18，盡快離開永無止盡的生死輪迴。我希望自己能夠跟隨您的腳步前進，我希望我能夠超越諸苦，盡快證得涅槃。這些全是發自我肺腑之真實語，希望這誓言的力量強大，讓我能盡速達成所願。」
這位悲傷的幽靈一邊訴說自己的誓願，一邊還不住地哽咽啜泣。阿姜曼則平靜地告訴他以前的伴侶，想要見她的目的不是要讓她生起遺憾與悔恨。阿姜曼問道：「為對方著想的人們不應該生起像你這樣子的煩惱與雜念，難道你沒有時時修習慈、悲、喜、捨四梵住嗎19？」
這幽靈回答道：「我一直都在修習四梵住，但我越修習，越會想起我們倆人共度的時光，那時我們可真是神仙伴侶啊！但若伴侶中有一人像你一樣，只拯救自己卻不拯救另一半，那麼被遺留下來的孤單者自然會難過悲傷。我現在的苦難，就是起因於沒有人關心我的福祉，我已被最愛的人遺棄，我怎能不悲傷啊！」阿姜曼提醒她：「在去除煩惱與雜染的過程中，善已得到充分發展。不論獨自一人、與他人一同修行時都是如此。修行的目的不是為了要增加煩惱，不是要拿起重擔來壓垮自己。這樣對吧？」
「您說的沒錯，但仍有貪瞋癡的人們會把一切都混雜在一起，就算康莊大道出現在眼前也辨識不出。我們不知道自己做的是對是錯？種下的業是善或惡？我們只知道自己在受苦，但不知道該如何才能超越苦痛。自然而然，我們會被遺棄在憂悲苦惱之中，如同我現在的慘狀。」
阿姜曼說這幽靈一心只執著在對他的埋怨上。她抱怨阿姜曼獨自一人離開，對她毫無慈悲；她說她不辭辛勞、長期在離苦之道上陪伴著阿姜曼；她埋怨阿姜曼沒有伸出援手，竟放手讓她陷於苦難之中。
阿姜曼試著安慰她：「若有兩個人在同一桌吃飯，必然有一人會比另一位更早吃完，要雙方同時吃完飯是不可能的。以佛陀與他出家前的配偶耶輸陀羅為例：在許多世的輪迴裡，他們一同培育了各項美德，但後來佛陀先行悟道。悟道之後，佛陀再去教導他以前的伴侶，好讓耶輸陀羅在依法修行後也能抵達苦滅之岸。你應該仔細思惟並學習佛陀與耶輸陀羅的範例；妳不應該對正在幫助你的人有所抱怨。我一直在尋找適合的方法幫助你跨越難關，但是你現在卻指責我不負責任、無情無義。這些說法非常不恰當，只會無謂造成我倆之間的疙瘩。你應該改變態度，並學習耶輸陀羅的所作所為－她是一個很好的楷模，依她的方式才能為你帶來真正的幸福。」
「我見你的原因是要幫助你，不是為了遺棄你。我向來全力支持你在修行上的一切努力；你說我已經離棄、不再關心你的這些言詞並不是事實。我給你的建議，完全出自我純淨無染的慈悲心。我希望你能夠接受我的建議、並改正自己的態度。若能如此，你必能獲得突破，而我也會為你的進步而高興。甚至不只是突破困境而已，改正態度後你還可能證得更圓滿的境界，我將更感喜悅20。」
「之前我們曾許下成佛之願，記得當初發心的目的是為了要解脫無盡生死輪迴。後來，我放下原本欲成佛的志願，改誓言為成就聲聞道果21。名稱雖有不同，但目標並未改變，我希望我證得一個沒有邪見與煩惱的境界22－涅槃是無上的喜樂，它超脫所有的苦痛。接下來的許多世，我都走在這條正道之上，包括此世我受戒成為一位佛教比丘。在這些世代中，我已盡力與你保持聯絡。我從未有過放棄伴侶以尋求自救的念頭，我對你的照顧與關心之情始終不變。如同過往，我這次對你的開示同樣出自一顆純白潔淨的慈悲心。我總是希望能夠在無盡生死輪迴中將你救出，讓你也走在通往涅槃的大道上。」
「你認為我離棄你、對你不聞不問，你認為自己已被人傷害，身陷絕望深淵，這些情緒性的想法對你我都不會產生任何利益。從現在起，你必須捨棄這些想法，別再讓它們生起，不能默許它們蹂躪你的心。它們只會為你帶來無窮盡的苦難。而慈悲幫助你離苦的我，絕不希望看到你種下這樣的業果。」
「你說我只顧自己的成就，對你毫不關心？我能去到哪裡、又對誰毫不關心呢？我現在就在你的面前，盡全力幫助你突破難關。我教導你的每一件事，都出自我純粹的慈悲心。如同我現在的教導，我對你的慈悲未曾改變過。你該知道我心中的慈悲無窮無盡，七海之內所有的水量也及不上我的慈悲，而我將慈悲毫無保留地灌注給你。請相信我的一片真心，也請你虛心接受我的教導。若你願意依法奉行，你必能體驗從心中生起的喜悅，那即是正法之喜悅。」
「從受具足戒的那一天起，我即真誠奉行佛陀之教法－無論何時何地，我都不會對任何人生起惡念。我若想見你，純粹是因為我想要幫助你，我不可能有欺騙或傷害你的意圖。如果你不願意相信我，恐怕你在世上再也找不到值得信任之人了！你也知道在我證果的那天晚上，宇宙出現了大霹靂。你難道認為那是因為「欺騙之法」出現於世而產生了大霹靂嗎？你是因為懷疑而不敢接受我的建議嗎? 若你知道我對你的建議是真實之法，那麼大霹靂應該能夠增強你的信心。另外一件事，你擁有許多福報善業，此事無須懷疑。無形體境界裡的眾生應該沒有聽聞正法的福分，但你現在已聽聞只為你一人而作的開示；我也十分感恩我能夠及時為你開示，這應該也是我過往善業之成熟。所以，你應該為自己感到喜悅與驕傲，因為竟然有人前來尋找你，並要帶你從絕望深淵裡走出。若你能夠端正思惟，我會為你高興。因為正思惟能夠鬆開你煩惱的結縛，為你在黑暗中照亮出口。正思惟也會規範你，不讓你把佛法當作是世俗之物，或是錯把我的慈悲當作是傷害。」
雖然這樣的開示可說是當面訓斥，但阿姜曼既慈悲、又切中問題之所在。這開示對她而言猶如醍醐灌頂，她逐漸找回自己失去的理智。到後來，她全神專注在聽聞中，心恢復平靜，態度自然表現出該有的謙遜與恭敬。
阿姜曼說法一結束，她立刻坦承自己的錯誤。她說：「我對您的感情與埋怨為我帶來了許多苦痛。我誤認您為了求解脫而狠心拋棄我，我為此產生了許多不必要的情緒。自己毫無用處的想法反覆出現於腦海中，彷彿我已被全世界遺棄，沒有人能夠幫助我。聽聞開示之後，正法照亮了我眼前的道路，我的心不再向外追求，它已得到平息。您的開示如同甘露雨水，它洗淨了我的心，讓心恢復力量，我也放下了我一直扛在肩上的重擔。我請求您的原諒：因為無知，我竟向您說出不恰當的話語。未來我一定會更加謹慎－我絕不會再犯同樣的錯誤了！」
在她說完後，阿姜曼又提醒她別再為了過去的事情而擔憂，她現在應該要趕緊投生至一個更適當的境界裡。她恭敬答應了阿姜曼的指示，接著她提出了她最後的請求：「若我轉生至一個適當境界，我希望我依然能夠前來拜訪您，並能夠聆聽您的教誨。希望這願望能因為您的緣故而快速實現！」阿姜曼答應此事後，這位幽靈就立刻消失不見了。
這位幽靈離開後，阿姜曼便將心從禪定中撤回。那時大約是清晨五點，天色已微亮。整晚阿姜曼都沒有休息，他大約是在前一晚八點時進入禪定；接著，他就與這位幽靈進行了許多小時的漫長對話。幾天之後，同一位幽靈又前來拜訪阿姜曼了！不過這一次她具有身軀，她現在是一位美麗的天人。與一般天人不同的是，她並未佩戴任何的裝飾品，這應該是為了向她最尊敬的阿姜曼表達敬意之故。
抵達後，她先向阿姜曼報告她自己的狀況：「您那一晚的教導解開了我全部疑惑，讓我得以從悲慘困境中離開；接著，我便重生至色界中的忉利天－一個充滿歡樂與喜悅的天界。現在我享用的一切，都是因為過往我曾與您一起行善而積下的善果報。我現在了解，轉生天界只能憑藉自己的善業福報，此事無法依靠他人的庇蔭。儘管如此，我不禁會將此事的功勞完全歸功於您！我最敬愛的尊者，就是因為您一直鼓勵我，我才能夠持續行善；若少了您的鼓勵，憑我個人的智慧與毅力不足以達到如此圓滿的境界。」
「能夠在天界中光采重生，我真是幸運！我現在已心滿意足，不再有任何憤慨或哀傷了。回想起您的無量慈悲，我清楚了解到，生活中的每一個選擇都很重要－這包括了食物、工作、朋友、與伴侶。若想要擁有平順美好的生活，謹慎的選擇至關重要。而在這些事物中，最重要的就是選擇伴侶，選對選錯將帶來截然不同的結果。因為夫妻雙方分享一切事物，甚至連呼出吸入的空氣都混合在一起。婚姻期間發生的任何事，不論是歡樂或悲傷，都會同時影響到夫妻雙方。」
「或許有些人的智力平庸、能力普通、個性上也沒有什麼優點，但若他們有一個好伴侶，他們依舊是有福氣的。因為好伴侶能夠教導、鼓勵對方。在世俗上，他們將建立起穩固與和樂的家庭；接著，他們將會致力於精神生活之發展。生活中的一切事物都會因為一位好伴侶的存在而變得更加順利。夫或妻不會感覺自己孤立無援，對未來不再感到徬徨不安。若每一個伴侶心中想的都是自己該更努力，那麼他們一定能夠彼此提攜、互為彼此的增上緣。於是，家庭轉變成為一個人間天堂，家庭中的成員都維持著寧靜與知足的心境，毫無爭吵之可能。大家和樂融融，不會有過度的情緒波瀾。繼續下去，不止是夫妻雙方而已，每一位成員都會視維持此家庭氛圍為己任：他們的心情平靜，泰然面對生活中的一切。行為處事能遵照道德法律之規定、還會深思前因後果，絕不是想做什麼就做什麼－放蕩不羈完全與寧靜知足的正法背道而馳。總之，夫妻雙方共同勾勒出他們未來生命的概況。從結婚的第一天起，他們的善與惡業、歡樂與悲傷、持戒或放逸、天堂或地獄，他們勢必一起分享－夫妻間的連結就是如此地密切！」
「能在許多世裡與您結為夫妻，我真是何其有幸，我親身獲得了擁有一位好伴侶之利益。因為您的引導，對良善的堅持與追求已成為我個性中的一部分。您總是陪伴我度過各種困難與危險，阻止我做出不善的選擇。因此，我許多世都走在良善的道路上。對您慈悲教導我的一切，我實在是感激不盡！而我之前對您的誤解與造成之傷害，我現在也完全了解。請您慈悲原諒我的過錯，也願我倆之間再沒有任何的隔閡與誤解。」
阿姜曼慈悲答應了這位天人的請求，他也原諒了她之前犯下的錯誤。阿姜曼接著為她說法，期許她能夠繼續走在正法之道上。開示結束後，這位天人先向阿姜曼頂禮；接著她後退了幾步，法喜充滿地往天界飛去。
一些她仍是幽靈時對阿姜曼的抱怨，由於太過曲折離奇，所以我將之省略。為此，我必須向讀者們致歉，希望你們能夠原諒。同時間，我也對自己的文筆不甚滿意。但不管如何，我認為將故事化為文字深具意義；因為若不做記錄，這深具啟發的故事便會逐漸被人們遺忘。
17. 精神伴侶：「在圓滿波羅蜜（parami）旅途上的伴侶」。大多數的有情生物都會有一位伴侶，通常是異性，這兩位會在許許多多的輪迴中陪伴著對方，甚至是數劫之久。他們在世世代代的生命裡，會尋找並陪伴彼此，幫助對方圓滿各項波羅蜜。有這樣一位精神伴侶被視為是行者能圓滿佛果的必要條件，如同釋迦牟尼佛自身經歷所示：
在許多許多劫之前，一位名叫須彌陀的森林隱士見到了當時的佛陀－燃燈佛（Dipankara）。他恭敬地拜倒在燃燈佛的腳下，並發願成為未來佛。就在須彌陀許願時，一位帶著沉香與鮮花的少女走向前，滿心歡喜地祝福著，並想將她手中部份的鮮花獻給須彌陀。須彌陀立刻拒絕少女的好意，還表明身為一位森林苦行者，他將終生獨自修行。就在當下，燃燈佛提醒了這位年輕行者，告訴他每一位立志成為佛陀的行者都有一位重要的精神伴侶。兩人會互相幫助，一同走在那條艱辛且漫長的道路，直到圓滿波羅蜜為止。從燃燈佛授記之後，菩薩與他的伴侶在無數次的輪迴中都陪伴著對方，他們為了眾生的利益而時時犧牲奉獻，直到最後證得覺悟。
18. 光明與純淨的智慧(paññãñãõa)，這是指第六項、也是最後一項的神通：漏盡通(ãsavakhayañãõa)，心識完全不向外流出的境界。證得此神通即表示行者已證得了涅槃。
19. 四梵住是四種崇高且神聖的心所，行者藉由修習慈、悲、喜、捨而得以轉生至梵天界。修習慈、悲、喜、捨特別能夠對治憎恨。
20. 阿姜曼在此鼓勵他的伴侶能證得慈、悲、喜、捨中的任一項梵住。
21. 聲聞道是指以佛陀為師，依循佛陀的言傳身教而得到覺悟的行者。在阿姜曼的例子，他放棄了原本想成為未來佛的誓願；改為願出生在一位佛陀、或其佛法住世的時期，依循正法修習以成為一位覺悟的佛弟子。
22. 漏(ãsavas)，是心中向外流出的煩惱。煩惱外流的力量強大，可名為瀑流，它造成了無止盡的生死輪迴。
Sitting in meditation after his final attainment, Ãcariya Mun recalled a certain personal matter from his past – one which he had not taken much interest in before. Here I would like to tell a story relevant to Ãcariya Mun’s past. I feel it would be a shame to leave out such an intriguing story, especially as this type of relationship may be following every one of you like a shadow, even though you are unaware of it. Should the story be deemed in any way unseemly, please blame the author for not being properly circumspect. As you may already have guessed, this is a private matter that was discussed only by Ãcariya Mun and his inner circle of disciples. I have tried to suppress the urge to write about it here, but the more I tried to suppress it, the stronger this urge became. So I finally gave in and, after writing it down, the urge gradually subsided. I must confess that I’m at fault here, but I hope the reader forgives me. Hopefully, it will provide everyone, caught in the perpetual cycle of birth and death, something worthwhile to think about.
This story concerns Ãcariya Mun’s longtime spiritual partner.17 Ãcariya Mun said that in previous lives he and his spiritual partner had both made a solemn vow to work together toward the attainment of Buddhahood. During the years prior to his final attainment, she occasionally came to visit him while he was in samãdhi. On those occasions, he gave her a brief Dhamma talk, then sent her away. She always appeared to him as a disembodied consciousness. Unlike beings from most realms of existence, she had no discernible form. When he inquired about her formless state, she replied that she was so worried about him she had not yet decided to take up existence in any specific realm. She feared that he would forget their relationship – their mutual resolve to attain Buddhahood in the future. So out of concern, and a sense of disappointment, she felt compelled to come and check on him from time to time. Ãcariya Mun told her then that he had already given up that vow, resolving instead to practice for Nibbãna in this lifetime. He had no wish to be born again, which was equivalent to carrying all the misery he had suffered in past lives indefinitely into the future.
Although she had never revealed her feelings, she remained worried about their relationship, and her longing for him never waned. So once in a long while she paid him a visit. But on this occasion, it was Ãcariya Mun who thought of her, being concerned about her plight, since they had gone through so many hardships together in previous lives. Contemplating this affair after his attainment, it occurred to him that he would like to meet her so they could reach a new understanding. He wanted to explain matters to her, and thus remove any lingering doubts or anxieties regarding their former partnership. Late that very night and soon after this thought occurred to him, his spiritual partner arrived in her familiar formless state.
Ãcariya Mun began by asking her about her present realm of existence. He wanted to know why she had no discernible form like beings from other celestial realms, and what exactly was her present condition. The formless being answered that she lived in one of the minor ethereal states of being in the vast sentient universe. She reiterated that she was waiting in that realm because of anxiety concerning him. Having become aware of his desire to meet her, she came to him that night.
Ordinarily, she didn’t dare to visit him very often. Though sincerely wanting to see him, she always felt shy and hesitant. In truth, her visits were in no way damaging to either of them for they were not of such a nature as to be harmful. But still, her long-standing affection for him made her hesitant about coming. Ãcariya Mun had also told her not to visit too often, for although not harmful, such visits could nevertheless become an emotional impediment, thus slowing his progress. The heart being very sensitive by nature, it could well be affected by subtle emotional attachments, which could then interfere with the practice of meditation. Convinced that this was true, she seldom came to visit him.
She was quite aware that he had severed his connection to birth and death, including former friends and relatives – and of course the spiritual partner who was counting on him – with no lingering regrets whatsoever. After all, it was an event that had a dramatic effect throughout the world systems. But rather than rejoice with delight, as she would have done in the past when they were together, this time she felt slighted, prompting an unorthodox reaction. She thought instead that he was being irresponsible, neglecting to consider the loyal spiritual companion who had shared his suffering, struggling together with him through so many lifetimes. She felt devastated now, left alone in misfortune, clutching dukkha but unable to let go. He had already gone beyond dukkha, leaving her behind to endure the burden of suffering. The more she thought about it, the more she felt like one bereft of wisdom who, nonetheless, wanted to reach up to touch the moon and the stars. In the end, she fell back to earth clutching her misery, unable to find a way out of such grievous misfortune.
Despondent, hapless being that she was, and struggling to endure her misery, she pleaded with him for assistance: “I am desperately disappointed. Where can I possibly find happiness? I so want to reach up and touch the moon and the stars in the sky! It’s just terrible, and so painful. You yourself are like the moon and the stars up in the sky shining brightly in every direction. Having established yourself in Dhamma, your existence is never bleak, never dreary. You’re so completely content and your aura radiates throughout every part of the universe. If I am still fortunate enough, please kindly show me the way of Dhamma. Please help me bring forth the bright, pure knowledge of wisdom,18 releasing me quickly from the cycle of repeated birth and death, to follow you in the attainment of Nibbãna so that I will not have to endure this agony much longer. May this vow be strong enough to produce the results my heart desires, allowing me to attain the grace of enlightenment as soon as possible.”
Convulsed with sobs of anguish, such was the fervent plea of that sorrowful formless being as she expressed her hopes of gaining enlightenment. Ãcariya Mun replied that his intention in wishing to see her was not to elicit regrets about the past: “People who wish each other well should not think in that way. Haven’t you practiced the four brahmavihãras: mettã, karuõã, muditã, and upekkhã?19
The formless spirit replied: “I have practiced them for so long that I can’t help thinking about the closeness we once shared practicing them together. When a person saves only himself, as you have, it is quite natural for those left behind to be disappointed. I’m in misery because I have been abandoned without any concern for my welfare. I still can’t see any possibility of easing my pain.” He cautioned her: “Whether practicing on your own or in concert with others, goodness is developed for the purpose of reducing anxiety and suffering within yourself, not for increasing them until, being agitated, you become all upset. Isn’t that right?”
“Yes, but the tendency of people with kilesas is to somehow muddle through, not knowing which path is the right one for a smooth, safe passage. We don’t know if what we are doing is right or wrong, or whether the result will be happiness or suffering. We know the pain in our hearts, but we don’t know the way out of it. So we are left to fret about our misfortune, as you see me doing now.”
Ãcariya Mun said that the formless spirit was adamant in her complaints about him. She accused him of making his escape alone, showing no pity for her – she who for so long had struggled together with him to go beyond dukkha. She complained that he had made no effort to assist her so that she too could gain release from suffering.
He tried to console her: “When two people eat food together at the same table, inevitably one will be full before the other. It’s not possible for both to be fully satiated at the same moment. Take the case of the Lord Buddha and his former spouse, Yasodhara. Although for many ages they had jointly developed goodness of all kinds, the Lord Buddha was the first to transcend dukkha, returning then to teach his former spouse so that later she also crossed over to the other shore. You should consider this lesson carefully and learn from it, instead of complaining about the person who’s right now trying his best to find a way to help you. I am earnestly searching for a means to help you cross over, yet you accuse me of being heartless and irresponsible. Such thoughts are very inappropriate. They will merely increase the discomfort for both of us. You should change your attitude, following the example of the Lord Buddha’s former spouse – an excellent example for everyone, and one giving rise to true happiness.
“My reason for meeting you is to assist you, not to drive you away. I have always supported your development in Dhamma. To say that I have abandoned you and no longer care for your welfare is simply not true. My advice to you emanates from a heart whose loving kindness and compassion are absolutely pure. If you follow this advice, practicing it to the best of your ability, I will rejoice in your progress. And should you receive completely satisfactory results, I will rest contented in equanimity.20
“Our original aspiration to achieve Buddhahood was made for the express purpose of crossing beyond the cycle of rebirth. My subsequent desire to attain the status of sãvaka21 instead, was actually a desire aimed toward the same goal: a state free of kilesas and ãsava,22 free of all dukkha, the Supreme Happiness, Nibbãna. As I‘ve followed the righteous path through many different lives, including my present status as a Buddhist monk, I have always done my utmost to keep in touch with you. Throughout this time, I have taught you as best I could with the immense loving compassion that I feel for you. Never was there a moment when I thought of forsaking you to seek only my own salvation – my thoughts were constantly full of concern, full of sympathy for you. I have always hoped to free you from the misery of birth in saÿsãra, leading you in the direction of Nibbãna.
“Your abnormal reaction – feeling offended because you suppose that I’ve abandoned you without any concern for your well-being – is of no benefit to either of us. From now on, you should refrain from such thinking. Don’t allow these thoughts to arise and trample all over your heart, for they will bring only endless misery in their wake – a result incompatible with my objective, as I strive with heartfelt compassion to help you out.
“Escaping without a care? Where have I escaped to? And who is it I don’t care about? At this moment I am doing my utmost to give you every possible assistance. Doesn’t everything I’ve taught you arise solely out of such compassionate concern as I am showing you right now? The constant encouragement I have provided comes straight from a heart full to the brim with a compassion that exceeds all the water in the great oceans, a compassion that pours forth unsparingly, without concern that it might run dry. Please understand that helping you has always been my intention and accept this Dhamma teaching that I offer. If you just trust me and practice accordingly, you will experience the fruits of inner happiness for yourself.
“From the day I first ordained as a monk, I have sincerely practiced the way of Dhamma – never for a moment have I thought ill of anyone. My motive in wanting to meet with you was not to deceive you, or cause you harm, but to assist you as best I can with all my heart. If you refuse to trust me, it will be difficult for you to find anyone else so worthy of your complete faith. You said you were aware of the universe trembling that night. That trembling, do you think it was caused by the ‘Dhamma of deception’ arising in the world? Is that why you’re so hesitant about taking to heart the advice I have so graciously offered you? If you understand that Dhamma is indeed the Dhamma of Truth, then you should consider the trembling of the universe that night as a decisive factor in your faith, and take comfort in the fact that you still have great resources of merit. You are still able to listen to a timely exposition of Dhamma, even though your birth in that formless realm of existence should render such a thing impossible. I consider it my good fortune to be able to teach you now. You should feel proud of your own good fortune in having someone to come and rescue you from the hopeless gloom that your misguided thinking has caused. If you can think positively like this, I shall be very pleased. Such thinking will not allow dukkha to bind you so tightly that you can’t find a way out. It won’t allow Dhamma to be seen as something mundane, or compassionate concern to be seen as something malevolent.”
As she listened to Ãcariya Mun present these reasoned arguments with such loving compassion, his spiritual partner felt as though she was being bathed in a stream of celestial water. Gradually she regained her composure. Enchanted by his discourse, her mind soon became calm, her manner respectful.
When he finished speaking, she admitted her mistake: “My affection and my hopeless yearning for you have caused so much trouble. I believed that you had discarded me, going your own way, which left me feeling neglected. I became terribly disappointed. I couldn’t stop thinking how useless and rejected I felt, with no one to turn to. But now that I have received the light of Dhamma, my heart is cool and contented. I can now put down the burden of misery that I’ve been carrying, for your Dhamma is like a divine nectar washing over my heart, cleansing it and making it bright. Please forgive me whatever wrong I have done to you through my ignorance. I am determined to be more careful in the future – never shall I make such a mistake again.”
When she finished speaking, Ãcariya Mun advised her to take birth in a more appropriate realm of existence, telling her to cease worrying about the past. Respectfully, she promised to follow his advice, then made one final request: “Once I have taken birth in a suitable realm, may I come and listen to your advice as before? Please give me your blessing for this.” Once Ãcariya Mun had granted her request, she immediately vanished.
The formless spirit having departed, Ãcariya Mun’s citta withdrew from samãdhi. It was nearly five a.m. and almost light. He had not rested the entire night. Having begun sitting in samãdhi at around eight p.m., he had spoken with the formless spirit for many hours into the night. Not long afterwards, the same spirit came to visit him again. This time she came in the bodily form of a beautiful deva, although in deference to the especially revered monk she was visiting, she was not adorned in the ornamental style customary of the devas.
Upon arriving, she explained to him her new situation: “After listening to your explanation, which removed all my doubts and relieved me of the misery that was tormenting me, I came to birth in the Tãvatiÿsa heavenly realm – a celestial sphere full of delightful pleasures, all of which I now enjoy as a result of the goodness we performed together as human beings. Although I experience this pleasant existence as a consequence of my own good deeds, I can’t help remembering that you, venerable sir, were the one who initially encouraged me to do good. On my own, I would never have had the wisdom capable of accomplishing this to my complete satisfaction.
“Feeling fortunate enough to be reborn in heavenly splendor, I am wholly contented, and no longer angry or resentful. As I reflect back on the immense kindness you’ve always shown me, it becomes apparent to me how important it is for us to choose discretely in our lives – concerning everything from our work to our food to our friends and companions, both male and female. Such discretion is crucial for leading a smooth, untroubled existence. This is especially true when choosing a spouse to depend on, for better or for worse. Choosing a spouse merits special attention, for we share everything with that person – even our very breath. Every happiness and every sorrow along the way will necessarily affect both parties.
“Those who have a good partner, even though they may be inadequate in terms of their intelligence, their temperament, or their behavior, are still blest to have someone who can guide and encourage them in dealing with all their affairs – both their secular affairs, which promote peace and stability in the family, and their spiritual affairs, which nourish the heart. All other matters will benefit as well, so they won’t feel they are groping blindly in the dark, never certain how these matters will turn out. Each partner being a good person, they compliment each other to create a virtual paradise within the family, allowing everyone to remain peaceful, contented, and free from strife at all times. Always cheerful, such a household is undisturbed by temperamental outbursts. All members contribute in creating this atmosphere: each is calm and composed, firmly established in the principles of reason – instead of just doing whatever they like, which is contrary to the very moral principles that insure their continued peace and contentment. Married couples work together to construct their own future. Together they create good and bad kamma. They create happiness and misery, virtue and evil, heaven and hell, from the very beginning of their relationship onwards to the present and into the future – an unbroken continuum.
“Being blessed with the chance to accompany you through many lives, I’ve come to realize this in my own situation. By your guidance, venerable sir, I have made goodness an integral part of my character. You have always steered me safely through every danger, never letting me stray in the direction of evil or disgrace. Consequently, I’ve remained a good person during all those lifetimes. I cannot tell you how deeply moved I am by all the kindness you’ve shown me. I now realize the harm caused by my past mistakes. Please kindly forgive my transgressions so that no lingering animosity remains between us.”
Assenting to the deva’s request, Ãcariya Mun forgave her. He then gave her an inspiring talk, encouraging her to perfect herself spiritually. When he had finished, she paid him her respects, moved off a short distance, and floated blissfully up into the sky.
Some of the resentful comments she made when she was still a formless spirit were too strange to record here, so I’ve been unable to recount every detail of their conversation; and for that I ask your forgiveness. I am not really that satisfied with what has been written here either, but I feel that without it a thought-provoking story would have been left out.