在阿姜曼喪禮過後的一段時間，許多弟子仍未從悲痛中走出。有些人感覺自己在世間再也找不到庇護之處；有些人則覺得自己是斷了線的風箏，只能順著氣流在空中飄流。僧團的士氣低落，沒有人提得起勁，失去雙親的孤兒們大概就像我們這般的失落吧？在阿姜曼門下修行的每一位比丘，都清楚感受到僧團那段時期的氛圍，黯淡又沒有活力，完全失去了砥礪提攜的功能。在一段時間後，弟子們終於振作起精神，將心思導回至修行，僧團也漸漸恢復了活力。經過這深刻教訓之後，每一個人都了解到缺少阿姜對僧團的重大傷害。是的，一位阿姜的逝世從來不是一件小事，這絕對會影響僧團裡的每一位成員－就有如地震發生後，地面上的所有房屋都會被強烈搖晃。若阿姜在世時，僧團內的一些比丘已能夠自立、已獲得少許成就，那麼這些人便能夠挺住阿姜逝世的衝擊。他們將能持續修行，並幫助同修比丘們儘早回復正常的修行，像這樣的僧團便不會受到太大的傷害。當然，一位領導者的去世絕對是團體的巨大損失－無論是一家之主、商界領袖、政府官員、或是佛教任一位阿姜的死亡，必然會從根部撼動團體。然而死亡無可避免，在下位的人們應該要有憂患意識，趁早培育出各種能力，好為接班做好準備。如此，團體才能一代接著一代，持續昌盛興隆。

 

在阿姜曼去世之前，我從未想過一位阿姜的逝世竟會有如此巨大的影響！不過是一個人的死亡，但廣大的比丘眾與在家眾卻因他的逝世而哀痛欲絕。他們的內心已被掏空，失去了任何可支撐身體的力量－一棟地基已流失的高樓大廈，就算外觀再新穎也躲不過坍塌的命運。看見當時的勢態真是令人害怕，我也不禁擔心起我們僧團的未來了。缺少一位有力老師的指導與保護，實修比丘們似乎已迷失在濃霧之中。阿姜曼的話語果然是正確的，若老師還在世時，弟子們不肯精勤努力並趕緊獲得道果；那麼老師去世後，比丘們便會因為缺乏心中之法而不知所措！

 

其實，我自己當時也沒做好準備，同樣深陷在悲痛之中。那真是一個可怕的經歷，有如身在龍捲風的正中央，四周全是狂風暴雨。一陣強風迎面吹來，似乎在咆哮著你已經從庇護處被踢出來，沒有人能保護你了。我轉頭想避開，但只是迎上了另一陣強風，而這讓我開始懷疑起我現在還有誰可以依靠。接著，另一道強風襲來，我似乎聽到有人在嘲笑我。他告訴我阿姜曼已經無牽無掛地離開人世，阿姜曼不會再理會我，我是一個沒父沒母的孤兒。另一個聲音接續說著：你已走投無路，你就徹底放棄吧！我不禁想著，在阿姜曼走後，有誰能夠保護我？難道這真是我衰亡的開始？我還未站穩腳步，父親竟然就離我而去，我該如何是好？另一道風雨撲面襲來，我又開始胡思亂想：我絕對撐不過這次的打擊，我肯定完蛋了。這重大變故何時不來，偏偏選在我修行的關鍵時刻。修行一段時間後，我也向心中的煩惱們正式開戰，正法與煩惱們的戰況正是膠著。阿姜曼一向陪在我的身旁，替我擬定各項作戰計畫。阿姜曼逝世後，還有誰能夠幫助我呢？我從未陷入這樣進退兩難的地步，我好像要從懸崖掉落了！沒有了阿姜曼，我似乎也沒有了希望。

 

以上就是那段時期我內心的混亂情況，這真是可怕的經歷。等到後來，有比丘眾跟隨我修行後，我常以此經歷為鑑。儘管弟子們的資質都相當優秀，我依舊催促弟子們加緊修行，我不希望他們遭遇與我相同的痛苦。只要精勤修行，弟子們應該都能夠在今生有所成就。我不願弟子們錯失機會，我時刻提醒他們注意各種可能的變故與災難。若不珍惜日光，等到太陽下山時才著急，弟子們極可能找不到能紮營過夜之處，陷入與我當時一樣的慌亂。可惜，現在已找不到像阿姜曼一樣優秀的老師了；但不管如何，比丘們要趁著自己仍有老師，身體還有活力時精勤努力，及早證得真實道果。比丘們，道、果、涅槃並非虛妄，唯有精勤不懈者能夠證得。既然已進入僧團，你們千萬不要因循苟且，白白浪費此生的大好機會！

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In the period following his cremation, many of the monks in Ãcariya Mun’s lineage remained distraught as they continued to feel the loss of their one reliable refuge in life. Like kites with their strings broken, drifting at the mercy of the winds, they wandered off in all directions. Their spirits depressed, they felt like small, helpless orphans who had lost both parents. Consequently, the circle of practicing monks in Ãcariya Mun’s lineage found itself quite unsettled in the immediate aftermath of his funeral. By the time they eventually began to regroup, they had all realized the harmful effects of being without a good teacher. The passing away of an outstanding ãcariya is never a small matter. Invariably it affects the community of practicing monks in a very serious way – shaking them like an earthquake to their very foundations. If his disciples have already established themselves firmly in the practice, possessing the mental fortitude to hold their own while helping to sustain their fellow monks, then the long-term effects will not be so adverse. Whether it’s a family leader, a social leader, a business leader, a government leader, or a leader in any branch of the community of  monks – the death of a good leader is always felt as a huge loss. Since it is ultimately unavoidable, those subordinates who depend on their leadership should earnestly prepare themselves for such an eventuality so that they may prosper now and in the future.

 

When Ãcariya Mun passed away, I saw the incredibly harmful effects that such a loss can have. He was only a single individual, but vast numbers of monks and lay devotees were so grieved by his death that they appeared to be left in a state of ruin – like a building whose foundation has been damaged so that its entire structure suffers accordingly. I was shocked by this development, and worried for the future of the circle of practicing monks who could easily suffer damage without the protection of a strong teacher. If we do not make the effort to intensify our practice and get results while our teacher is still alive, upon his death we will be like the living dead, lacking firm principles of our own to hold on to.

 

I myself was caught woefully unprepared at that time. It was a terrible experience. I felt as if the winds of a cyclone were raging through my heart, blowing me in all directions. One storm blew in to assail me with the thought that I had been left stranded without a refuge; another blew in to fill me with doubts and left me wondering about whom I could possibly rely on now. Then a gale blew through, driving the thought that, having passed away sublimely without any concerns, he had left me behind feeling empty and lifeless to drift along hopelessly without a mainstay to which I could cling. Yet another wind buffeted me with the thought that everything would come to an end now that he was gone: Who would I stay with now that my father had died? Did this really signal my downfall? No sooner had I begun to stand on my own than my father left me. What a terrible misfortune! Another howling wind inveighed against the miserable bad luck of this poor orphan: I am finished for sure this time, and at such a crucial juncture in my own development as well. The kilesas and Dhamma are engaged in a full-scale war, and Ãcariya Mun had been my advisor, helping me to work out a battle plan. Who will have this kind of compassion for me in the future? I had never reached such an agonizing impasse before. I felt as though I had fallen into an infernal pit of mortal despair. All hope seemed lost as I lived on without him.

 

Such was my troubled state of mind when Ãcariya Mun passed away. That experience chastened me. Ever since then I’ve been loath to see other practicing monks encounter a similar agonizing experience simply because they lack the firm principles needed to stand on their own. Fearing that they will miss their rightful destiny by default, I constantly warn them of the dangers. Should they wait until the sun has already set before rushing to find a safe refuge, I’m concerned they may end up feeling as empty and lifeless as I did. Not wishing to see this happen, I caution them to hurry and intensify their efforts while the moon is still bright, their hearts still willing, and their bodies still able. Thus committed, those desiring to attain the wealth of virtue inherent within magga, phala, and Nibbãna can still manage to do so. They need not live poverty-stricken amid a world of spiritual riches.